--Jeffrey Gitomer

Focus On The Finish Line,
Not The Starting Line

“Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.”
—Mark Twain

Many people believe one of the myths of success: that in order to achieve anything significant in life one must come from a background full of resources.

There are those who look at where they are in life and conclude that it’s impossible to make it to the top. Have you met people like this, those who blame their failure on their past?

Somewhere in their subconscious they believe their past (where they started in life) is the reason they are barely surviving today. This is far from the truth. When I look at how far I have come to be where I am today, I can’t help thinking that you and I have more inside us than we could ever imagine.

Against All Odds

I was born in extreme poverty in a tiny village in Haiti. Haiti is located south of Florida, with the Atlantic Ocean to the north and the Caribbean Sea to the south. While not all people on the island are poor, the people in my village certainly were.

The village is about two miles long and one mile wide. It is located on the extreme southside in the backwoods of Haiti. We had no running water, no plumbing, and no electricity. We didn’t have access to medical care.

I still remember the first time I saw lights. They were the headlights of an old and battered truck they called Voici Phane (vwah-see fahn), which means here is Phane…the truck owner’s name.

Things were difficult in my village. By the time I was five or six years old, I was walking long distances on narrow and dangerous pathways to collect drinking water from a wellspring, and to fetch wood for cooking.

I started climbing coconut and mango trees for survival. As a little boy, I remember using my hands to eat because we had no silverware. For plates, we used half calabashes, which are like big watermelons grown out of a tree (except they are not edible).

The folks would cut them in half, clean out the inside, and let them dry in the sun so that they would become the consistency of wood.

Every child in my village was poor; but I was worse off—most of them had at least one parent present. When I became aware of my surroundings, I realized I didn’t have my father or mother around me.

My father, who was no help to me, had children all over Haiti. He traveled from very far to take advantage of young, innocent women; and he abandoned Maman while she was still pregnant with me. I learned that my mother left me when I was only nine months old.

The neighbors told me Maman suffered very much because she was so poor. One morning she decided to venture to the city, Port-au-Prince, to discover what life had in store for her—and to end a lifetime of poverty.

She left me behind with a lady named Betila. They told me Maman had planned to send for me as soon as she could, but life in the city was tough and things didn’t turn out the way she expected. It would be a long time before she could send for me.

As soon as Maman took off, I became ill. Many deadly diseases vowed to end my existence so much so that I often lost all my strength. My unhealthy diet, which mostly consisted of breadfruit, added to my misery.

Do you know what breadfruit is? It looks like pineapples on the outside but tastes like extra tough potatoes. My already weak digestive system could not process this much starch; but since I survived by eating breadfruit night and day, my stomach was always bloated. I had constant indigestion, and parasites were eating me alive.

I wanted to give up many times because my body was so weak, but my spirit refused to do so. It wanted me to stay in the ring and fight one more battle.

I spent most of my time during the day sitting on a dirt floor fanning flies off my face; and at night, I shooed away the mosquitoes. I was so alone. There were times when I wondered whether I had been brought to this earth by a spirit who had then abandoned me.

Every day I cried for my mother’s help. I heard that I had a sister and a brother in the City with Maman. I wanted to be close to my family. Perhaps then I could be touched, even held.

Psychologists tell us that children who are not cuddled, held, and touched have a tendency to shrink and die early. I desperately needed some type of affection.

The Cynical Predictions Of The Lay Fortune Tellers

Yes, I suffered the blows of poverty; and I endured the pain of sickness and loneliness—but the highest mountain I had to climb was dealing with the teasing and ridiculing of the people in the village. They made fun of my swollen tummy and my skeletal body.

Some villagers belittled me. They called me Kokobay and Souyan. Kokobay is an actual Creole word, which means crippled. I found out that there was an actual person named Souyan. He was crippled with a flat behind. He, too, had to put up with teasing and name-calling.

When the strong tropical wind blew in the village, I ran and braced my feeble body against trees in order to avoid being blown away. My condition had deteriorated so much that some people predicted I would not survive to adulthood.

They even told me so, but God proved them wrong. I made it. Do you remember the cigarette commercial for Virginia Slims? That’s the way I feel: I have come a long way baby!

What I went through is only my experience. While my family was living on the edge, there were those living a good life. Some were driving expensive cars, living in hilltop mansions, and traveling the world. These people can’t identify with my story, but they are not the majority.

What about you? How long have you traveled to get where you are today? Where did you start in life? Some people, particularly Haitians, often ask if I’m embarrassed to share so much of my early life with strangers.

Why should I be embarrassed? It doesn’t matter where you start; what matters is where you finish. Society does not evaluate me based on my past.

A Fortune 500 company never looks at my past before hiring me to speak to their employees. Instead, they hire me because of what I have accomplished. It is who I am today that earns me respect and admiration.

Regardless of where we start—whether it’s the ghetto or a tiny village in Haiti—with a strong vision, solid goals, and a sense of direction, we can have a great finish. Where we come from is not as relevant as where we are going.

When I stand on a platform staring at three thousand souls waiting for me to boost their batteries, to touch their souls—they are interested in one thing: what I can offer them in that moment!

Been There, Done That And Got The T-Shirt

I am not looking for pity. I just want to illustrate that I am not sitting on a mountaintop preaching to the masses. When I say, “It doesn’t matter where you start, what matters is where you finish,” I am speaking with conviction.

I’ve been there—poverty-stricken, hungry, tired, and diseased. I know that no condition is ever permanent. My goal is to convince you that your world is limitless— that it is important to remember your past but that it should never stop you from reaching for the top.

Your future has very little to do with your past unless you think so. What matters most is not your current position. Hard work and preparation can unlock the doors of your future regardless of where you are or where you started.

Your starting point is just a way of getting in the door; it’s your launching pad, although it has nothing to do with how high you can fly. If you want to have a great finish, you must decide now to make it happen.

My greatest concern is that people look at where they start, and from there they determine there is no way to ever accomplish anything significant. There is no dead-end! We decide what roads to take, what paths to pursue.

Take Charge Of Your Life

Have you ever heard someone say life is unfair? I disagree. I think life is very fair; however, many of us are unfair to life. We are all endowed with the power to choose. Whether you are rich or poor, black or white, pretty or ugly, life gives you twenty-four hours in a day.

It’s up to you to choose how you spend those hours. You can either cruise on automatic pilot wasting your hours, or you can decide to study, plan, and prepare for tomorrow. The choice is yours; but whatever you do, you must be prepared to face the consequences.

What did you do yesterday with your hours? What about today? What specific step will you take to make sure you are becoming the kind of person you want to be? When you make empowering choices, you acquire a sense of control.

Psychologists call this the “locus of control.” This means having enough of a sense of control and confidence to move forward. My guess is that you either have some degree of control or you are totally in control.

How do I know? Without being somewhat in control of your life, you would never have chosen to read this book. I hope you make another choice—to read all the chapters.

Will your life change because of this book? I would never make such claim, but here is what I know for sure: If you continue to make choices like this, they will all come together to create the big picture.

After a speaking engagement, my audience always asks me questions about how I got to where I am. I don’t have a logical answer to that question.

Who I am today is not the result of a single event; rather, it’s a culmination of the choices I made in the past. It’s the way I chose to spend my twenty-four hours. Today you have the power to make several choices. My question to you is this: Will those choices give you an advantage for the future?

Exercise

Think for a moment about what you did yesterday. Now think about the choices you made today. Did these choices help you become a better person or ensure you will live a better life?

1) Write down the wrong choices you made yesterday—the way you responded to a situation or the action you took.

2) Ask yourself: What better way could I have handled the situation that would make me feel a better person today?

3) Are the actions I took yesterday bringing me closer to or farther away from my goals?

4) Now write down the right and positive choices you made.

5) Describe how you feel about those good choices.

Take Control NOW To Better Your Tomorrow

Write down what you will do now to right the wrongs of yesterday.
There is nothing you can do to erase yesterday’s mistakes. Life is not like a computer. There are no delete buttons. It makes no sense beating yourself up.

Get over it! You only have control over your tomorrow. The best way to redeem yourself is to right the wrongs of yesterday or the last hour NOW.

Remember, our choices define who we are. Make the right choices, and you’ll be on your way to your own personal success.
If You Don’t Have A Target, You Can’t Aim

When I ask most people about their vision or goals (such as where they will be five or ten years from now), they usually roll their eyes and blink a few times, but don’t answer.

I know that feeling; I was there. For years I was constantly searching for what I wanted to do with my life. Like I said before, although I have never met you, there is one thing I know for sure about you: You, too, are constantly looking and searching or you wouldn’t be reading this now. We share a kindred spirit.

Congratulations!

Everyone should have a dream about what he or she eventually wants to do in life. I’ll never forget the day I met a very impressive young man by the name of Wesley Madhere, II. I went to a restaurant for dinner with some friends.

Wesley was our waiter for the evening. He served us as if he owned the restaurant. He had a pleasant and pleasing smile on his face, and he carried himself like a winner. He gave us a true dining experience. We were really impressed!

Later, during a casual conversation with Wesley, we discovered a man who had an extraordinary vision for his future. We were totally blown away when Wesley excitedly painted a picture of his tomorrow.

He was precise and confident. We were so excited about his dream that we wanted to take the trip with him. What vision!

At the time we met Wesley, he was a student working on a degree in business administration. His main goal was to open a restaurant. He already had a partner picked out. He told us how his partner was an excellent chef working toward a culinary degree.

I’m certain Wesley will have no problem convincing a bank to loan him the money he needs to open his restaurant. Why? One reason is he has a well thought out plan.

Second, he’s passionate about his dreams. Wesley confirmed to me what I knew all along: A burning desire and a solid strategy are the prerequisites for success. Nothing significant has ever happened without solid strategies.

Living is like being in a war. If you don’t have calculated plans for your battles, you will lose every single one of them. I am confident that, one day, Wesley’s dream of owning one of the finest restaurants in town will materialize, if he doesn’t allow others to steal his dream.

Could I say the same thing about you if you shared your plans with me? If your answer is no, it’s time for you to do some serious thinking.

When You Know It And Feel It, Help Will Come

The first requirement of getting what you want in life is to know precisely what it is that you want. Leaders know this. They know that they must know and communicate their vision to the people looking up to them.

In the past, I have worked with managers who came in to work every week and began shuffling procedures and people around; but we had no clue what their objectives were. I am sure they knew, but they didn’t take time to communicate it.

No one will be ready to assist you unless he or she knows and understands where you are heading; people will help you once they see your vision.

Many people have helped me as my career has progressed. Ed Primeau with Primeau Productions spent a whole day out of his busy schedule to assist me in putting together my demo video for my keynote presentations.

It would have cost me thousands of dollars to get that kind of help, but Ed didn’t charge me anything. I was having dinner with Ed later and I asked him why he didn’t charge me. He told me he felt like Barry Gordy at Motown.

Ed said, “I see your plans for the future and I get excited. I feel like I’ve discovered an incredible talent with sound plans to be a successful, professional speaker.” He went on to tell me that every now and then he loves to step into someone’s life and make a difference. “It was your turn,” Ed said.

Wow! Ed saw my vision—my burning desire. It is my hope that you too will have a burning desire that drives you to take action.

By now I am positive you are convinced of your need to draw a map for your future—about setting goals if you don’t already have them in place. In the absence of goals and a sense of direction, you may be cruising the highways of life getting excellent mileage and enjoying smooth roads.

However, because you don’t know where you are heading, you end up burning all your fuel until you find yourself on the side of the road. If I asked you right now where you are going or what your vision is, could you tell me the answer like Wesley could?

If you can’t answer that question, it’s time to sit down and do some soul searching. The reality is you are going somewhere. It may not be where you want to go, but your car is in motion. Decide now to take control; start planning now.

Exercise

Write out your map of where you want your life to go in the next 5 to 10 years. Don’t hold anything back.

How did you do with the previous exercise? Was it easy, or did you struggle?

If you struggled, don’t despair; I’ve had many people say to me, “But I don’t know what I want to do with my life. How can I draw a map when I don’t know my passion?” Let me share with you some strategies to help find your passion.

How To Discover What You Were Born To Do

What are you passionate about? Very few people can answer that question. I know that for many years it was hard for me to even think about my passion. Yet, all along it was with me.

What you were born to do is right there in front of your face, but you are too close to see it. It’s very hard to enjoy the scenery when you are in it. There are those who say, “I don’t have a passion,” or “I wasn’t born to do anything.” Wrong. Everyone born on this earth has a role in some capacity.

In Africa, there is a village in a country named Burkina Fasso (ber keen ah fasso). When a woman is pregnant there, the village elders perform a ritual. First they put the woman into a trance.

Then they channel the baby’s voice through the woman in order for the baby to reveal its purpose. Once they find out the baby’s purpose, they groom the child in a way that will lead him or her to live according to his or her purpose.

Wouldn’t it be nice if someone came to you when you were a child and told you exactly what you were born to do? Yes, but of course it doesn’t happen this way. No, it’s up to you to discover your role, your passion; this is your job. You have to discover it yourself.

Here are some thoughts to keep in mind as you set about discovering your purpose:
• Keep it simple. Ask yourself what you like to do, what intrigues you, what you can lose yourself in.

• Don’t expect a quick answer. It may take you a long time to find your purpose, but it is out there.

• Trust yourself. How will you know when you have found your purpose? When deep inside yourself you feel that you are making a difference in the lives of others, you have probably come in contact with your passion.

• A passion isn’t solely personal. Your passion may get you excited, but it should also help others. When you help others solve their problems and enrich their lives, you are well on the way to discovering your passion.

• Work feels like play. Finally, when you can’t tell whether you are working or playing you know that’s your passion. Speaking and writing are what juice me up.

That is the way I offer the world my talents and skills—the way I make a contribution. I can be on the computer at one o’clock in the morning working but I don’t even feel like I am working.

I go to bed and wake up in the morning thinking about my passion—the ways I can help my listeners improve their lives. My conversations always tend to turn to speaking. Some of my friends can’t understand why I work so hard. How could they? It’s hard to imagine. You’ve got to experience it.

Your WHY Is More Important Than Your How

“If we have our own why of life, we shall get along
with almost any how…”
—Friedrich Nietzsche

Until you know with certainty that you are on a mission to contribute to the human race, you will always have a void in your life.

The whole universe is like one big domino effect. MY life is better when YOU decide to live on purpose, and vice versa. That’s what the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche calls your WHY.

Purpose is the high-octane fuel that revs up your internal engines. So, what is your why? What drives you to want to do what you do?

Many years ago, I found an exercise that helped me discover my WHY. After I decided to become a motivational speaker, I wanted to know whether I had chosen the right path for my life. I had already tried my hands at many other things, but I discovered that I was chasing success because of the money it would bring me.

All along my motive was in the wrong place. Money is a byproduct of the value we provide to society. One can never experience enduring success if money is the WHY. Simply put, success comes when it is other-oriented rather than self-oriented. Coincidentally, money flows in abundance when we set out to make life better for others.

Believe me, I don’t have problems with money. Money is a good thing. It affords me the ability to have a good life and to help others. I’ve heard it said that the best way to help the poor is not to be one of them.

However, money plays a weird game sometimes. It goes to the people who are busy doing what they are passionate about. It seems as though the more you focus on money, the more money runs away from you.

Here Is How You Can Begin To Explore Your Passion

Take time out of your crowded schedule to do the exercise I am about to recommend. Keep in mind that if you want to make sure your condition is not permanent, you must take time now to strategize for the future. Do you agree? Okay.

• Sit down in a quiet place with a pad and pen. Draw three columns on a blank page. Divide your age into three age ranges and place the three figures, one on each column. For example, if you were 30 years old, you would have a column from your birth to age 10, another from age 10 to 20, and the final from age 20 to 30.
  
• Next, write down things you have done during each age range. Write down as much as you can, even if some events appear to be insignificant to you.
  
• Now study what you have written. Attempt to find out what the common denominator is about you in all the three segments. In other words, what are some of the activities that occurred over and over throughout your life?

When I did this exercise, I discovered there was a common thread in all the things I did as a child. I found that I was always trying to entertain or inspire an audience. According to all my activities, I was supposed to be an encourager. There is no accident. If you are stuck with this exercise and you don’t seem to be able to find your life’s patterns, ask your parents and friends what common threads they see in you.

Here’s another way to find your WHY: If you had just won the lottery and money was not an issue, what kind of work would you do for free? The answer to that question is where your passion lies.

I am convinced that what you were born to do and who you were born to be is calling you every day. You have to listen to that still, quiet voice inside of you.

Hope Is The Light That Shines At The End Of The Tunnel

As I travel the country giving motivational speeches to thousands, I am often asked how I found the courage to press on in the face of such overwhelming odds. Once a lady asked me, “What is your secret?” I don’t have a secret.

It’s like a combination lock. It took putting all the numbers in the right order. One day I dug deep inside of me to find the one thing that enabled me to rise above my challenges, and I found one thing that stood out.

It may sound trite, yet it is exactly what brought me this far. My secret is one word. It may be simplistic to you, but I urge you not to dismiss it. It is called HOPE.

When I was lonely and isolated in the village, somehow I knew that things were going to get better someday. In the absence of hope—a positive expectancy—it’s easy to give up the fight. You have to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel—to know that No Condition is Permanent!.

Many years ago a group of researchers conducted a study with rats. They put one group in a pool of water. After a couple minutes, they rescued them. The researchers then put the rats in the pool a second time but left them in longer.

After the fifth try, they watched the rats struggle for over one hour without sinking. They then tried the experiment with another group of rats without rescuing them at all. After about just ten minutes, the second group of rats started sinking below the water.

They gave up very fast. Why did the second group of rats drop dead while the first paddled the water with courage? One reason is that the second group didn’t know that there was a possibility of being rescued. They had no hope. Their condition appeared to be permanent.

It doesn’t matter what you are facing today in your life: your condition is not permanent! It may appear to be so, but your help is coming. Are you trying to accomplish something that is taking a long time and the results are not coming in?

That’s called life. Nothing is easy. The old adage says if it’s worth having, it’s worth fighting for. Stay in the race just a little longer. Provide greater value than expected and give your best every time. It is that kind of hopeful attitude that can light up your dark moments and sustain you in the fight.

Exercise

Imagine for a moment that you spent every penny you owned and charged your credit cards to the limit to open a business. It’s your passion. However, some friends and family members downplay your idea. They disapprove of your decision to go into business. Some tell you directly while others are hypocritical.

Six months into the business, you are not even making enough money to pay the rent! You start knocking on doors in an attempt to find new customers. You make calls all day.

You leave messages, but no one bothers to return your calls. You face nothing but rejection and deception. You submit one proposal after another to no avail. You are totally exhausted from working too many hours.

Except for a couple of loyal friends, every one seems to desert you. Then there are those who are talking behind your back saying, “I told her! But she wouldn’t listen,” or “I told him, but he wouldn’t listen.” According to statistics, it seems as though you are wasting your time.

Question: How would you feel, or what would you do?

Now that you have expressed your feelings, let me shine some light in your window. One day you get home. You are drained, sleepy and beat down. All you want to do is to throw yourself on the bed and sob.

You check your mail and find a letter from a client who read your proposal some time ago. Fortunately, it’s a Fortune 500 company. They are bringing suppliers on board, and you are one of their choices. According to the letter, they want to sign a contract with you worth one hundred thousand dollars.

After six months, if they like your performance, they will refer you to five other companies. They also promise to provide you with all the right support to ensure your success.

That means that in one year you will be running a company worth half a million dollars! According to your business plan, your net profit will be one hundred fifty thousand dollars.

Question: Describe how you would feel after reading that letter. Would you hire the friends and family members who didn’t think much of your idea?

Did you get excited and full of energy when you heard that news? Where did you find the energy you now have when less than ten minutes ago you were so drained and exhausted?

Answer: You always had it! You just needed to tap into it. That energy is HOPE! This is my whole point. A clear and vivid vision of a hopeful future will wake you up bright and early in the morning full of passion, motivation and energy.

No matter how dim your future looks to others, with hope, you will always have a gigantic spotlight in it. The lesson? See your future in a three-dimensional view. Smell it, touch it, live it everyday and be nuts about it. Believe me, I can tell you from personal experience that this is the cure for a stressful and depressing day.

Everyone Has A Village
I believe we are all living in a village. Perhaps yours is not without electricity, plumbing, and medical care; but your family, your circle of friends, and your work environment are all villages.

There may be those in your village who don’t think much of you, just like there were in my village. They sometimes belittle you and they try to put you down. You might even have some jealous people in your village. You may feel unappreciated for your contributions.

Perhaps you are not starving for food in your village, but you may be starving for love, affection, and recognition. How do you deal with that?
• Take control.
• Quit focusing externally.
• Look within for your happiness.

What people think about you is just their opinion; but what you think about yourself is your reality. Dare to hope; you will prevail.

We bemoan, groan, and complain about our present status even though we are given the power to do something about it. Considering where I started in life, it’s almost a miracle for me to be where I am today.

Not long ago I took a trip back to my village. The folks looked at me with amazement in their eyes. They told me, “Ti bête gan sang (tee bet gahn sahn).” It’s a Creole proverb which means as long as there is blood running trough the veins, there is hope.

You and I have no control over external situations in life, but we have a choice as to how we interpret them—we can always rely on HOPE.

Hope is like an internal pilot light. As long as that tiny light is alive inside of you, you will bear your cross with grace and elegance. Without it, darkness will surround you, and despair will envelop you. That is why so many people end their lives.

They believe their condition is permanent. For many of you, no matter what you are going through at this moment, you are not going to be paddling in the water for too much longer. Your rescue team is on the way. You may not see it now, but it’s closer than you might imagine.

Like Henry David Thoreau said, “I have learned this at least by my experiment—that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”